Read the previous entries:
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It was the start of another year, and I still wasn’t pregnant. I was 34, and starting a new job. Oneal was 42. After much thought, I made a decision: it was this year or bust.
We weren’t getting any younger. Each time I got disappointed, we both suffered. We didn’t have the finances for IVF or any other forms of fertility treatment, and frankly, I didn’t think I could survive the emotional trauma either.
I also didn’t want this struggle hanging over us, taking over our lives, and destroying our relationship. I didn’t want this constant struggle to drive us apart, pushing us towards resentment and anger. I wanted a child, yes, so very badly. But if I couldn’t have that child with Oneal, then I didn’t want a child at all. If we didn’t have a child, then our family would be just us, the cats, our parents, our siblings, and their kids. Life would go on.
I talked to Oneal, and I explained how I felt. He agreed, and we said we would work on it, really work on it this year. He pledged to take better care of himself, exercise, and take his pills regularly.
And he did! He started doing push-ups in the morning, and we went walking in the evenings. We both installed exercise apps on our phones, and we both started working out more. And he started the hormone treatment again.
It probably helped that the first quarter of 2016 was less stressful for me. I started working for a new foundation, and although starting a new job can be stressful, I think the excitement of new work outweighed the stress.
Another thing we did: we “retired” from the officer corps of the Philippine Garrison of the 501st Legion! We had both been serving the Empire for over ten years, and it was fun and geeky. Unfortunately, it was also very tiring, time-consuming, and sometimes downright stressful! “We need time for ourselves,” I told Oneal. “We need our weekends, and we need time to rest and sleep. We can’t keep staying up till morning because we’re working on costumes and props.”
In December of 2015, we told the other officers that we were declining any officer positions in the coming year. They were shocked, but supportive and understanding. “Good luck!” they said. In February of 2016, when the new officers were elected, we turned over our duties to the new kids on the block. “Good luck too!” we told them.
Oh, may the odds be ever in our favor.